I think that if you were Dx'ed with ADHD when you were young & your youngest daughter is Dx'ed with ASD, given your inability to connect emotionally, not like touch, & the trouble that you have being in touch with your emotions (even given all that horrible background you had growing up)....it might be good to go ahead & get that referral to the psychologist especially if she has the ability to assess you for ASD (as an adult). ADHD is a normal Dx along with ASD & the fact that your youngest daughter has been Dx'ed with it......it's something that is inherited & given your experiences & what you explain your life has been like....it wouldn't surprise me if there was some level of ASD that you are dealing with possibly yourself which may be why you do relate better to your youngest daughter.

Who knows, my Dad may have had some ASD or some Anti-social/anxiety thing going on with him......I had problems feeling close to my parents because THEY were so awkward around people they embarrassed me to death & I didn't want anyone knowing they were my parents.....but that sort of explains why I was unable to relate to babies because I was never around them & I didn't grow up experiencing any closeness with people because my parents didn't have friends & no social life.....I had to learn what I learned from my own experience & I was afraid to engage because I didn't want to embarrass myself.....& I didn't have nurturing come natural like my daughter does.

I have realized that it was the situation I was around that wasn't normal because at the age of 53 now that my parents died & I finally left my H, I'm finding that I relate much better to people than I ever thought I did....I still have issues with babies & really young kids....I relate much better to them when they get older & don't have that child behavior that seems to just rub me the wrong way.

I have a strange reaction when I am sleeping....if anyone wakes me up, I strike out at them....sort of like how military people do with PTSD or those who have learned somehow to protect them selves & always be on guard. One night after a long week at work, I was exhausted & crashed on the sofa in our new home at the time. My daughter was going to bed & I guess she came over to kiss me good night while I was sound asleep. My reaction in my sleep was to strike out at anything that came near me while I was sleeping & so I ended up striking out at my daughter....had no idea I did it until I ended up waking up from whatever was going on.....& I found out from my H that I had struck out at my daughter.....I felt so bad (knew I did this because I would do it to my parents growing up also....they learned to leave me alone when I was sleeping). I ended up flying upstairs to my daughter's room & apologized & explained to her that it definitely wasn't her but the way I react when I am sleeping. (Even my dogs now get hit at if they wake me up when I'm sleeping). It was good because it gave her the understanding & it gave me a chance while I was awake to kiss her goodnight & get her tucked into bed. The interesting thing....she became my guardian when I was sleeping & would warn others not to come close to me or disturb my sleeping when I crashed. It was almost a bonding moment in giving her understanding or Mom & of giving me a chance to apologize for what I had done & gave me a chance to explain so that it also wouldn't happen again unintentionally.

For the life of me I have no idea why I react that way when I'm sleeping because I was never attacked in my sleep & never had any bad experiences....it seems to be just where my brain is in protecting me when I'm sleeping & not to be disturbed.....if my daughter ever needed to wake me up she would tap on me & then back off at a safe distance...LOL.....she was always sweet about it while protecting herself also & protecting me from striking out at her also....& she always took on the job of waking up Mom if it was needed because "she knew how to do it".

It does seem like you learned while in the hospital to bond with your youngest daughter....you had the help that you didn't have with your oldest daughter & you had a totally different experience with her & you were taught.....my H always had to be taught to do everything....he couldn't learn how to do anything on his own.....& I'm sure even though at the age of 63 he's never been Dx'ed with Asperger's......it's obvious in reading books & doing research that is what caused all the problems in our marriage.....& I will soon be divorces within the next 6 months as I pay off my lawyer for the divorce as I live 2100 miles away after leaving him 7 years ago. Sometimes those T's can have sliding scale payment plans....it definitely wouldn't be a bad thing to at least look into & it might be so much benefit that it might be worth the money & you might cut back somewhere else in the budget so that you can afford the professional help...PC is great but it's not a substitute for the professional help that is available out there.