Suffered from depression all my life, i can remember feeling so bad when i was
younger than 10 even, im over 50 now. The thing is I have come to realise that i will never be happy, I had an abusive childhood and didnt realise how emotionally stuffed up I was before I got married and had children which i realise in retrospect I shouldnt have, I never abused my own children and love then so much but can not express affection. I know now that men are taught to love by their mothers, mine was emotionally distant and abusive, I was never hugged or anything like that and it was hard for me to express affection to my own kids and wife. My wife has a chance at another relationship if I check out, she will never leave me but I want to give her a chance to be happy, she has never understood why I am emotionally distant because she came from a loving and caring family. I have been self medicating for years, I used to exercise like crazy to try and chase the black dog away but my body is wearing out now after so many injuries, i just feel like its time, my kids are adults and dont need me and my wife deserves a shot at happiness I feel.