(((TheLonelyGuy)))

I think your observations are insightful in that you are so keenly aware of your problems. I am guessing that you are fairly young as you need to depend upon your parents for obtaining meds. I may be wrong, sorry if I am. I really feel that not only do you sound like you have bad anxiety but also intrusive abnormal thoughts. This is something that definitely needs to be evaluated by a professional. It sounds like you have had some bad experiences in life so that may be where the anxiety is coming from but as far as where the thoughts are coming from...that would best be left to a therapist. I would suggest that you work on getting a therapist or doctor who can help you work on the origin of your anxiety and abnormal thoughts. btw...welcome to PC. I hope this helps and I wish you the very best.