Fred,I know just how you feel.Been suffering from various depressions,phobias and personality disorders,from about the same age,now 54.

I feel the same in my long marriage,I have made my hubby miserable,made worse because of my jealousy of his demanding SIL in the years since he has had to constantly take care of,(not completely her fault).Also have come to the conclusion that it's my fault my older son suffers from the same as me.It's sad to watch him spiral downhill self medicating as he calls it with alcohol.

Would love to check out to,but I feel that wouldn't help my family much.If I could just run away for awhile,that would help put a little perspective on things,but money and no support or friends are issues for me,lol.

Hang in there Fred,if you were that bad,your wife would not still be there.At least thats what I try to think about my other half :-).Most days though,I think he keeps me because he thinks he has to- he doesn't.It's me that needs to go.

If you have never seen your doc about this,you should.Especially if your near a city,they have help.Unfortunately I live in a rural area of backward Qld and unless your actually hurting yourself they don't want to know here.I'll just stay this way forever.

Take care,and if you need to talk on here to help you,then do so.People here care.