***Newsflash***
I'd been mulling over writing to X-Pdoc but it didn't seem fair to dump on him if he can't do anything so I couldn't decide what to do. Then, without my knowledge, my friend wrote to him and told him I wasn't doing well and had always done best when I was with him and was there a way I could see him again.

He wrote back that he had been considering returning to private practice and her letter had given him a push in that direction, and now he is making it happen. In a few months I should be able to see him again. I guess he'll have to rent office space and do the paperwork and hire staff so it'll take a bit of time.

As soon as my friend told me what she did (only after she heard back) and showed me the reply, I stopped crying all the time. It feels like there is hope again for the first time in a long time. When I was seeing this Pdoc in the past I thought of him a lot and it gave me comfort and company. Then he was gone, presumably forever, and it was like a death, and when I thought of him it made me feel sadness and overwhelming loss instead. Now when I think of him it's something to look forward to again. What a relief.

Thank you all for your encouragement and insights. I'm glad I am able to update with some positive news.