Mum mother treated my the same way when I was younger. I still to this day, hate myself.

I feel the same lack of love/bond towards my son from the day he was born, we had a difficult birth, he never fed properly and I think I probably also had undiagnosed PND. I have never told anyone as I know it's so unnatural that no one could possibly understand unless she has also experienced it.

The feeling worsened when my son never learnt to go to the toilet at night. The bed wetting (2-3 times per night, without drinks before bed) didn't stop until he was 13. I developed a feeling of scorn towards him that never left.

I have never had more children in case the same thing happens.

I have so much more to say but I just can't find the words right now. No judgement from me as I feel complete empathy for you and your daughter.