An unmedicated downward swing was like a trap door opened. Very fast, and a bit scary. This would be amplified 1000 times if I was intoxicated, which is even scarier.

Physically, I feel very tight, and will strongly clench my muscles. Especially my hands and feet. I'm not quite sure why..it's almost automatic. I also feel it in my chest. If I am home, or alone, I will basically break down. If I am out in public, work, etc...I try to hide away.

Upwards isn't something I notice really happening. It's not like a spring upwards, though that sounds like it would be pretty good. That I notice more from my actions, and the speed of which my mind is moving and planning. Also, the poor impulsive decisions I make. I also don't notice the decent from that unless it is very severely downward. I will notice the multiple unfinished projects, the money spend or actions that I end up regretting.