Mostly I did OK today. I was very busy this morning with some work that I enjoyed doing. Then this afternoon I finally got to see my T. I didn't warm to her much, but then I'm not looking for a a soulmate so I don't see that as terribly important, especially as I was feeling snarky anyway. I want to get better and if therapy is part of that then I'll put in the work.

This evening though, my mood crashed again and I lost all the benefit of a few calmer days. I'm right back to staring at my life and wanting to run away, or destroy it, or just curl up and never move again. And while I'm feeling like this, I'm meant to hold down a job and jump through the hoops of potential redundancy. Right now I'd rather SH than deal with how I'm feeling, and all my energy is being sucked into fighting with myself just to stay safe. I want it all to end, but it doesn't, it just keeps getting worse and worse.

How did I go from an OK morning to a terrible evening?