AK, your post hits it squarly on the head...my mother always pushed away emotionally...I see that now, I feel that now and alas I see how I've actually done it with my own children...its like a feeling of deep upset inside me now feeling this rejection...its something that really needs to be talked about in T next week..its actually a very crucial realisation...that not being able to take for granted that your caregiver will be emotionally there for you on your return..whether it be from returning from havingn been playing in my bedroom, to having walked outside to take my plate out...there never was the same person waiting...there was a stone wall...a mother lost behind her own grief..how awful her life must have been also...this morning I sat and spoke to my twin 14yr old daughters telling them that the times it has appeared that I have been unhappy its never been about them...and I hope they know that...I cant go back I can only allow them their suffering..let them know that I know I haven't always been a good enought mother..it hurts to see how ones childhood effects ones children...but the rot stops with me...