((usehername)), yes, the way you loved your mother so much is going to be a challenge to slowly learn to accept her passing. I believe you when you are trying to discribe how much it hurts, and even breathing is hard, extreme grief can do that. Ofcourse you don't know how to keep going without her in your life, that is something one slowly learns how to do one day at a time. What "can" help is being with others who can validate your challenge in a very personal way and there are groups that meet because it does help to have someone to listen to you and lean on. When one tries to do this alone, it's harder as there is no one there to lean on and that is important to have as you slowly learn how to gradually live your life one day at a time without this individual that was really such a big part of your life. Also, just being with people that are experiencing this kind of loss as you are can actually help you find the kind of person who is capable of having this kind of deep relationship too. Sometimes life experiences that are profound like this can actually open doors to experiencing things that enrich our lives in ways we never imagined. But right now, you are not going to see that, one only gets exposed to that when they reach out and find others who struggle too. You may not feel ready for that at the moment, but I strongly suggest you make an effort, especially if you find yourself having too many bad thoughts. Bad thoughts, thoughts about giving up on life come when we genuinely are overcome emotionally and don't know how to get past all the emotions. What really helps with that is having a presence that will listen as you slowly talk them out. That can be a grief counselor, and typically these individuals know of a good support group too. It is important that you understand that how you feel is normal and that with time, you "can" learn to slowly make gains and learn.

(((Gentle Caring Supportive Understanding Hugs)))
OE