gmsq,

Wow, it sounds like you've been on quite a roller coaster ride for some time now. I congratulate you on working so hard to help yourself regardless of the lack of support coming from your husband and his family members. To be able to pick up your pieces and learn and grow and move on is not an easy thing to do, especially when confronted with separation/divorce being thrown into the mix.

Unfortunately, some folks just can't manage in their minds that mental illness is just that, an illness. It's not always visually out there, people "look normal", there is no visible scars, no surgeries to apply the illness to. They can't comprehend that a mind can be ill and causing the havoc that it causes. What they do know is that the person can show irrational thoughts and behaviors and it's so very hard for the family to understand them and know how to help.
Some folks don't have the abiity to rationalize the idea of mental illness in their own minds, it may be scary for them because they don't understand it, or it may be something that for them holds a stigma of fear that they cannot work through themselves, so they leave that love, or that friendship because of their lack of understanding.

There are also times in a relationship that there is hurt caused by the illness. If your husband was hurt in any way durning those times of havoc, he may not be able to work past that on his own and finds it easier for himself to leave the marriage. I don't know if that is the case with your marriage or not.

I've seen many times that relationships break up because of mental illness. Sometimes it takes many years for one person to finally get the help they need to feel better and work through their illness, but after the price has already been paid through the relationship being on very shaky ground. Depression not only lies to the individual who suffers from it, but it also lies to the loved ones too. Depression can take away not only your love of life, it begins to errode the core of the family. I can see you are doing everything you possibly can to care for yourself and your family. I applaud you for that. And I hope that in time, your husband may be able to see just how well you are doing and how hard you are working at things.

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this difficult time. I pray for you all for strength, compassion and understanding as you work through your problems. Be good to yourself along the way, you so deserve it!

Hugssss
J