Don't forget that you are NOT just dealing with the grief....you are also dealing with the PTSD that her death left you to deal with......that complicates the grieving process so much more also & actually takes some very specialized help to deal with & to process what you are going through. It's like it magnifies every emotion & feeling that exists & makes it that much more difficult to process thoughts & feelings.

It's no wonder you are feeling the way you are.....but with someone specialized in handling PTSD along with grief....they should be able to help you process your emotions. It doesn't make the loss any easier it just makes it so that you understand the emotions you are having & have a lot more compassion for yourself & what you are going through.