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Originally Posted by Shadix
Ah, now we're getting somewhere.
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Just quick fyi, I'm trying to slow you down and hone in on the reasoning for your logic as you seem to be skipping rungs on the ladder. I'm not trying to prove you are right or wrong. Much of what you say is derived from some truth. So hope you don't take any offense
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Originally Posted by Shadix
I don't infer hatred from girls referring to older guys as creepy. I infer it from the hostile, antagonistic comments I see repeatedly from women whenever this topic is discussed. An example would be a woman on another forum I was on who proclaimed that if a guy in his 30s tried to get with her 21 year old daughter, she would stab him to death with an ice pick.
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... <-- my reaction to her comment about the ice pick. I don't want to dismiss her opinion, but I don't believe this is what you would call a "mainstream majority" comment. She appears to harbor either a very protective nature towards her daughter, or she has had encounters with older men that were unpleasant.
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Originally Posted by Shadix
But hatred or no hatred, the fact that they react with discomfort to an older guy being interested in them is an indication that they are passing a negative judgment on the guy. So I am still being pressured to repress my desire and abandon my pursuit of happiness.
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Them passing negative judgment on a different guy --leads to--> You are pressured to repress your desires and abandon your pursuit of happiness ???
Sorry, I think this is an example of a wide jump. I believe the entire sequence would say:
They passed judgment on a different guy. That guy is in a situation similar to me. If they judged him, they will judge me too. I don't want to be judged. Therefore, in order for them to not judge me, I must not do what that other guy did, which so happens to be a deep desire of mine. I can't pursue my desire, so I will be unhappy.
What if:
They passed judgment on a different guy. That guy's situation is similar to mine, but he is not me. Even if they judge him (or me) and I feel pressured to conform, I don't have to give up my desire.
I cannot emphasize this enough.
Your happiness is in your own hands.
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Originally Posted by Shadix
And so what if a guy's age is the only thing she knows?
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My example was meant to show that calling him creepy is not necessarily correlated to the comment about his age. She could have just been referring to him using the only characteristic she knew.
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Originally Posted by Shadix
If there was no stigma against dating younger girls, then this wouldn't be an issue. But there is. And even if the guy's age isn't the only thing she knows, it will still be an issue once she finds out. And that's thanks to how society is teaching girls to judge older guys.
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You bring up a good point. I addressed this in my first post about stigmas. I do agree the stigma exists. But seeing as it take generations to remove a stigma (i.e. LGBT movement), it would be unreasonable to expect society to change overnight. That's not to say you need to conform though. You don't! Honestly, I think the world would be a very
boring place if everyone did what society expected them to do. Just accept that you cannot change other people and work towards your own goals.
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Originally Posted by Shadix
I think this is one of the preconceived notions young women are taught to have about older men. This is why I'm often afraid to even be nice to younger women and I probably come off as awkward. I could totally see a young woman thinking "oh this creepy older dude thinks I have to go with whatever he wants because he's being nice to me". Again that's thanks to the way society has brainwashed them.
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I think being worried about what girls may think and putting those thoughts into their head (when you aren't even sure that is what they are thinking) is an example of how a self-fulfilling prophecy can unravel. Being preoccupied causes you to come off as awkward which will lend the girl to not be as attracted and cause you to think "aha! she WAS judging me after all!" when that may not even have been the case.
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Originally Posted by divine1966
I think you are projecting your own personal struggles on everything else.
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I'm going to have to agree with divine on this one. I think a lot of your frustration and efforts are spent trying to blame society for your unhappiness =/