I cant forgive myself as I gave up my dream job in the midst of the episode. I feel like I have ruined my life. By doing that I have risked my home and job.

I called my meds pdoc office 3 times, the soonest he can see me is 9th of march. They told me to go to the emergency room but I so do not want to be stuck in a locked ward and I have long standing plans tomorrow and I dont want to let my mates down.

I think I could last another few days if my bf can come look after me, but its such a pressure on him and I dont want to drive him away again.