Today I move into an apartment. its been a long 3 weeks. I cheated on my wife a 2nd time. the first time was forgiven because she had an affair years ago. 3 weeks ago my darkest fears came true I always wanted to keep my family intact. I was suicidal. Now I am on meds and seeing a therapist. I have ptsd from child abuse and molestation. I have dealt with depression before but because of the ptsd I couldn't tell when I was sliding down.
I chose to try and fill the hole in my head and heart like by turning to someone else to get what I couldn't see or feel at home. My wife isn't the cuddly lovey type and intimacy seemed like a chore to her. Yet I felt that I needed it. In my messed up way of thinking thought if I could fill that hole my family would be ok.
Now I see with clearer eyes and a clearer head. We are all in therapy. I guess I just need to trust the process. I hope she can start to forgive me because I truly do love her wit all my heart. We have other family issues one is my autistic son was accused of something horrible and I don't believe it to be true. my daughter is stuggling with me but we are talking. so I move into this apartment that I will not call home but a place to continue growing.