First, "BPD" is short for Borderline Personality Disorder. I believe just "BP" is short for Bipolar (I just say Bipolar). But we get ya.

I am not officially diagnosed with bipolar, but do have "bipolar elements" according to my doctors (whatever the eff that means), paranoia being one of them.

Bipolar can be diagnosed at any age. But it's quite often tough to diagnose. And sometimes I think it just isn't a problem until it's a problem, know what I mean?

At my worst, I was really afraid I was going schizo. I really felt like I was. I thought there was a conspuracy at work against me. I was terrified of losing my job not only because of it, but because of the way I would react to what I believed was happening, when I couldn't talk myself down from that ledge. It felt, being aware of it and then not being aware, like I was being shredded to pieces.

Once, I accused my boyfriend of cheating on me because my "intuition" was telling me so. ****ed up my relationship for months. Had very little basis to accuse him. I was waiting in the parking lot to pick him up at work, he was taking too long. It was because he was in the bathroom. I couldn't stop myself from asking. I didn't do it confrontationally or angrily, I asked him because I needed to get the belief out of my head. But I caused a whole bunch of damage.

That last incident actually happened before the one I mentioned first. The one I mentioned first lasted for a long time, and it was horrible. Just horrible. It got bad enough that my pdoc put me on an antipsychotic. And that's when I realized that I've actually had paranoia all my life, it just got worse as I got older. I didn't know until a couple years later that paranoia could be a symptom of bipolar disorder.

Sometimes I'll see someone on the street and get an instant bad feeling about that person. I'll then believe that person is following me. This even once happened when the person was walking in front of me, but kept looking behind him. (I was in NYC at the time and he did it for blocks, and the most logical conclusion I can come up with is that he was probably just looking for a cab).

I get paranoid that I'm being watched and listened to. I've put black tape over the camera lens on my laptop. Sometimes I become afraid that I'm being watched through the TV.

The other day my internet was unplugged because of something that fell on the plug, but I believed my boyfriend had somehow screwed with it remotely to get me to decide to set up the treadmill I've been meaning to set up.

Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm thinking too loudly and that people can hear my thoughts. That used to happen a lot more before the antipsychotic. That was one of the worst feelings for me.

There's more, but I hope that gives you an idea...and helps in some way.