Good question. I think there's lots more to this then just that..for me its a case of seeing someone as imperfect but good enought...a case of being realistic and seeing the fantasy for what it is...just that...its also a way to learn to become our own good enought mother to ourselfs...its also a way of seeing someone as perfect and imperfect at the same time and being able to hold that....also is it the fact that the "object" has been smashed by their actions toward us? or is it us splitting the object and into bad and good and infact the object really hasn't consituted being smashed??? HHmm lots to think about here.