I have a tendency to have a strong reaction and then go numb, even freeze. I looked this up and there is a word for it "tonic response" like animals do playing dead. My therapist first saw it as a kind of dissociation and to some degree that is right, but adding in that it is a fundamental freezing that the nervous system does as part of survival when feeling endangered helped him figure out something.

Together we peeled back some layers to find out that when I was upset as a child I expected either a negative or no reaction so I tended to freeze instead to avoid that. My therapist decided that helping me would mean being responsive and even encouraging me at first to reach out. It didn't take too long for me to experience something else, something positive, that reaching out wasn't dangerous and would get a response. It really didn't take too long for me to accept that and not need to have it repeated. Now I don't really need to reach out since I know that I would get a decent response if I needed it. That is just internalizing what my therapist provided and making it part of me. Yes, this can be talked about but if it is "primitive" or related to elemental responses like in trauma, I find that it has to be done through the relationship to make a difference. I guess not all therapists are willing to go to these places with clients. But I don't see it as an issue because it is not a permanent state. More like a phase, developing a capacity and undoing something in the past that isn't working. I don't think this is impossible or takes drastic steps. Simple things can alter the way you do things and have a cumulative effect.