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I have this friend,whom I shall call "D". I met D several years ago. In that time,we had our ups and downs as friends sometimes do. She was always such a bright,positive,outgoing person. Lately though,her attitude has changed. It's like everything is hopeless,nothing is good enough. I don't know if she has undiagnosed emotional/mental problems or what,but talking to her now is just such a draining experience. I can not think of one conversation she and I have had over the last month that did not involve at least one instance of "I hate my life. I wish I was dead. There's no point in living,"
As previously stated,D and I have been friends several years. During that time at various intervals,we toyed with the idea of maybe being...more than friends,let's say. But for whatever reason,it just never seemed to work out. It would always get to a point where either she would push me away or vice versa. Finally,I just decided no more. I can't do this. As friends we are great,but anything else is not in the cards.
One night in October,D and I were talking. She starts telling me that her landlord is thinking about converting all his properties into multi-unit apartments or something to that effect. Her lease was up and he said she could stay if she needed to,but the rent would be higher the next time around. Right now,she's not in the best shape financially so that wasn't going to happen. Then she starts in with this stuff about wishing I would come stay with her,this,that and the other,but I could tell she meant something different. I didn't fall into the trap. I reminded her what happened every time we tried that and then OMG,it was like the biggest drama bomb going off.
Apparently,D feels like I am the be-all,end-all of men. Nobody will ever be as good as I am,is how she puts it. I don't know what I did to encourage that feeling in her,but I'm sorry I ever did. For the next three hours all I got to hear about was her broken heart,how lonely and miserable she was,how tired she was of trying to be strong. As bad as all that sounds,it got worse,ladies and gentleman. D goes on to tell me in April she is planning to move back to Florida. Not by herself,her sister-in-law is going too. But when she gets there,D has no one she can stay with except a miserable,two-bit,ex-con,POS ex-husband. And she says she's planning to have him kill her so she won't have to go on living and in pain. Her exact words were,"it's not suicide if it's at someone else's hand," That's a pretty dark thing to say,coming from someone who claims to be a Christian.
From what I was told about her ex,he's on parole after doing 35 months for drug convictions and assault;the assault charge came after he beat his last wife with the butt of a gun when he caught her messing around. It would be nothing for him to go back,D told me. So now her plan is to sleep with somebody she knows he will get really PO'd about and then he will beat her until she doesn't recover and that will be the end of her misery.
Nobody knows about this except me. She hasn't told her family,other friends,no one. Why she feels this should be my burden to deal with I don't know. I tried talking her out of it,but nothing I said would change her mind. I tried contacting the police where she lives (I live in one state,she lives in another) to see about a welfare check or something like that,but for all I know they just ignored me.
Things were finally turning around in my life. I was doing okay financially,I had met someone and was trying to make that happen,my health was doing okay. Then this happened and the whole rug was pulled out from under me. It's been this way ever since. I even suggested maybe she should talk with someone like a therapist,counselor,psychiatrist,etc. but she won't. I just feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't want her to just give up on life,but I also have a chance to get my life where I want it. If I cave and go to D,I'd be unhappy and throwing away everything I'm working towards. If I continue to live my life where I am,she's going to go ahead with this crazy plan of hers.
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