Hi, I'm new here. I was diagnosed at age 13, (actually no one will actually put any diagnosis in writing because i'm so young, which I cant stand.) and I'm 19 now. The closest thing they can put me to is bipolar. I had a terrible time in my early teens, but for the past few years I had been doing pretty great! I was on a mix of Seroquel and lithium and it was pretty effective, but the side effects were terrible. For the past year I have been on a vitamin supplement called q96. It worked amazingly for me for a long time! But these past few months I feel like I have been slipping again, and my mind is much more muddled.

There are a few things which I cannot get a grip on that I need advice with.

In the past year I have had 5 jobs. I have started college, dropped classes, switched jobs..... I cant seem to stand anything for too long. It all starts out ok and fine, but then by the time a month or two has passed, my jobs have become what I can only describe as soul-sucking or soul-numbing. I cannot stand to go, and my mind goes over every excuse possible to get out of it. When its time to head to work, I go into a terrible mind state. Then I find a new job ad it all starts over again. I think I've found the perfect one, its great, then, soul-numbing. It is so hard to deal with. I am going to college to become an elementary school teacher, which has always been one of my favorite options, but it won out because it is the most random and varied job from day to day that I could think of. I need something that wont get old. As of now I'm quitting my job and finding another so I can try to stay sane. Does this happen to you?

I haven't had a psychologist for a year because my insurance changed. I want to try and find a new one, but the realization that it will take years for a new one to get to know me enough and for me to trust them enough is keeping me from trying to find one. Any thoughts on how to get into the 'deep stuff' with a new psychologist quicker?

My last thing is my meds. I love the feeling that comes from the freedom of the vitamins, but I feel like they don't work enough when I get into worse modes. Sometimes I feel like everything would be fixed if I could go back on my meds. I would also be asleep 75% of the day, yes, and I would also have no emotions again, true, but maybe I could somehow... theres no right answer, I know.

My last thing is I recently (a few months ago) had an eye opening conversation that finally clicked together to something that has been happening for many years. I have since remembered more, as well as been observing myself or the past several months. When I get into different settings and situations, and around different people, my whole personality and mind changes. Its almost like Im a different person. For example, in one I turn into this immature annoying person who needs to be the center of attention, making a fool of myself, different talking voice and the way I word things are different. And im there basically stuck in my head, wishing I could stop, wishing I could just be myself, trying to be, asking myself 'why in the world did you say that?' just stop!'... its like im just watching myself, and have no control over it. There are several different 'personalities' I have in different situations. They are so hard for me to control and overcome. In one event, with weeks of preparation, I was able to for the most part keep the personality I knew was going to surface from surfacing. That was the best I have ever done, and it still wasn't completely right. I don't know what this is. I cant find it right anywhere. I thought depersonalization, but it doesn't fit with that all the way. it also doesn't scream dissociative identity disorder to me, but I really don't know. Its something to talk about with a psych for sure, but until then, do any of you have insight into this?

I know this is a lot, thanks for reading! I look forward to your replies!