Grr I wrote a whole post and lost it.

Dilemma before going inpatient, my landlord has asked me to clean up the outdoor area, I cant do that until I get shelving tomorrow. I asked if I could pick up shelving today but was told it wouldnt fit in my car.

I also do not want to let down my friends, we have been planning this catch up for 6 months. So I cant drink or medicate for the day (not that meds do anything). I've tried to meditate but the rumination is making me suicidal.

My boyfriend is really pissed that I want to go to hospital. He says I need to harden up and will be fine if I just have weed. But we dont have weed and he left early this morning. He knows I have no food, no clean water and that I am depressed, so I am upset he left me like this. I feel like I need to go to hospital right now but I just have so much to do that makes me more overwhelmed and the cycle continues.