My fear of needles going into my back is that something will go wrong and it'll cause like nerve pain that can never be fixed or paralyzation. I know it's not common, but I always come to the worst case and get fixated on that and can't shake it.

As my thoughts on hypnobirthing, I almost can guarantee that wouldn't work for me. Having bad panic disorder on top of schizophrenia, just. Makes life really hard. I had a therapist once who tried hypnotherapy on me but even to this day, I can't do anything that involves keeping my eyes closed (if I could sleep with my eyes open, I would.) without starting to panic in less than 2 seconds because I can't see who or what's happening around me

But with me having treatment resistant schizophrenia on top of bad panic disorder, I don't want to risk passing it onto my child. It breaks my heart, but it would break my heart a billion times more to have my child go through the same fight I have to on a daily basis to survive.