I could be wrong but I feel a real sense of fear in your posts. What I hear is a lot of what if the T doesn't understand me/sex or what if the T is untrustworthy and now I need more than a T can give.

Searching for a new T must be terrifying. But you are putting up a lot of walls to things you can't control and that haven't happened. (and I feel you on this as I do it too. All. The. Time). Why not try it with the person you feel most comfortable with and see what the results are. You will probably never find someone who can help you right away but try not to let fear block something that has the power to be good.

Sending you hugs.