It sounds like there's a lot of inconsistency with the way your mom parents, and an odd roundabout way of setting boundaries. For example, I would not have allowed my 17 year old to go to an 18+ club, regardless of who worked there. It wouldn't have been about clothes, it would have been about age-appropriateness. And then I wouldn't have permitted my 14 year old to go to a 21+ club - under any circumstances. (btw, what 21 and over club would allow a 14 year old in? Here in California, a club that did that would likely be shut down, and fast.)

To answer your question, I don't think the relationship is "typical dysfunctional adult child parental relationship" - I just don't think your mom's parenting, from what you've described, is the best. Her communication skills could certainly use work.