Hi, I'm a 15 year old boy from Bangladesh. I have severe OCD and anxiety issues since my childhood. I often get unwanted disturbing thoughts if I'm not busy with something. Recently I'm having a problem with it.
Where to begin? Okay, I'm living with my mom. My father stays in a different city for the sake of his job, so only me and my mother live together now. My relationship with her is bittersweet; as far as I remember. She fits the Asian parents stereotype. She wants me to be perfect. She always demands that I study. It used to bother me, but I've accepted it. She often scolds me and laughs at me for everything I do. She is a bit of a narcissas. She sometimes get very angry. Outside of that, she's a nice mother. She feeds me on time, gets worried about me at the slightest problem and tries to cheer me up when I'm sad.
However, we got into a fight recently. She kept threatening me to kick me out if I don't get A+ in every subject in the coming exam (which I usually get). She is too serious about my grades. At one point I asked her why can't she love me as her son instead of a trophy. She replied "The sole reason a mother gives birth to a child so he can does something to make her proud. If he can't do that, he is an worthless black sheep." I quit after that.
This is the problem. After hearing her reply, I feel heartbroken. I feel like she never loved me, she just uses me; and I can't accept that. I can't talk to her freely after that. She seems like a stranger to me. It's unbearable. I feel depressed. I have tried to convince myself that she loves me, but she wants me to do something great, that's why she said that. But it doesn't seem convincing. Help me!
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