Quote:
Originally Posted by jeanniebt
I've been hospitalized twice, at neither time was I completely honest with the physician about my symptoms. My 1st was at the age of 18, and they dx'd me with a "chemical imbalance" (is that even a dx?), then recommended that I transfer to a "1/2 way house." I left thinking there was nothing wrong with me and without looking back. Second hospitalization was at the age of 31. At that time I had not slept in 4-5 days and was having major psychosis, though I was completely unaware of this. My mom insisted that I see someone immediately The doctor diagnosed me with bipolar 1, and I complied with tx for a short time, but only to resolve my current sx's that were causing major life disturbances. But again not for a second did I believe that this dx was accurate. In fact, until just recently I was convinced that this very highly respected physician was lying for the purpose of insurance payment. I am now 45, and just weeks ago came to the realization that I certainly do have bipolar. It has been an extremely destructive force in my life, and right now it's difficult coming to terms with all of it. Now I firmly believe that my 1st sx's began at around the age of 6 or 7. That is when the frequent night terrors began, as well as mood swings, and delusions.
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Hang in there. As someone said to me yesterday, take care of you. I have not been hospitalized but there have been a couple of times that I truly should have. I'm just thankful to be on this side of it. I look back to childhood and see signs (as early as 5). I actually tried to have several conversations with my mother about concerns about my mental health (usually after a depressive episode) and she didn't listen. I look back to late teens and remember trying to be referred to a pdoc because I was seeing colors on my visual field. Left with dx of "i don't see anything, but I'm sure you are just seeing floaters." Never bought that. . . But ok. I'm not a doc. Currently, I have a T that i see weekly. I cash pay because my insurance does not pay for private care. I work in a field where I come in contact with individuals with dx all of the time. Public heath facility isn't an option. I pay my pdoc privately as well. I respect both, so I pay. It's a chunk of money but i just cut back in other places last year, my T wiped my bill clean and reduced my cost because I got behind a little bit and she knew I was having financial difficulty. Managing is a struggle WITH the resources, so I can't imagine managing without (at this point in my life). I've been officially dx for less than a year. I've been me my whole life. The dx is a lot to take in. Start with a T, start somewhere. Take care of you.