Thanks for all your answers. I think stop dog was right when she said you are born, mark time and then die. I am not looking for therapy to have a magic wand ( ok I admit in the early days I hoped it might!) I have also tried a host of other things, but I am beginning to think it is futile to think I can undo the effects my childhood had on me.
I love the line 'give up all hope of a better past' I was talking about this very thing recently and when I talked about giving up hope it was suggested that the hope I had been holding on to was actually connected with the past not the future.
Lolagrace lickerysplit and archipelago I was really pleased to hear that you felt that for you things had changed but at the present time I relate more to simmering and agree the realisation is horrible.
I don't know what I wanted from this post, reading the fact that other people felt the same felt terrible that this was universal, but then reading that others felt different just made me feel sad that it didn't relate to me. I don't think I am depressed, but I do think these feelings are of that nature. I feel increasingly hopeless about the present and future. I have talked to my t about this, but neither she or anyone else can convince me otherwise at the moment. I find it interesting that I have read other people's posts like this and then later the same week even read posts where it was clear that they were feeling differently. But when I am in this place myself I just feel I have failed at life and no one understands that I'm different, I can't be helped. Sad isn't it when so many of you have clearly felt the same at various times. Thanks for making time to read and answer this