thank you for your posts, this is the only time I have ever been able to open up with anyone so I guess the internet has done me a favour. I have been to a couple of psychologists and just cant open up to them. I think I have a major personality disorder, I work in law enforcement and lied about my criminal background to get in. Strangely I am very good at what I do but never rose very far because of my inability to recognise basic flaws in my fellow officers leading to conflict with them. Once i had a fit of rage and nearly hurt a work mate badly. This was covered up by my colleagues and he didnt report the incident. I used to wonder what being normal felt like and how people could be cheerful all the time. I always lived for my family only, they were the one thing in life I focused on. The bit I dont understand, I do have empathy for most people and if I see someone in distress I will always help them regardless of the danger to myself but people categorise me as being cold blooded. I have done a number of online tests and they all show extreme narcissistic tendencies and borderline psychopathy but I am definitely not a charming person as they say these people are supposed to be and i really would put my life on the line for my family, I find it hard to reconcile this with my depressive state of mind, again thank you all for your support.