I have been seeing my t for a very very long time. We've gone through ruptures, relapses, dramas and stillness. She retired last year professionally (however I only know this as she is no longer registered in the UK accreditation website and she had hinted about retiring in 2013) but she still continues to see me as a client.

I've noticed over the last year she has stopped 'psychotherapy' with me.

We no longer analyse my dreams, explore any issue in depth or do creative things and she self discloses on a bigger scale. (Of course this makes me have so much mother transference that it hurts)

The presenting problems changed over the years but infertility was a huge 5 year issue for me, however, I am due to give birth in less than 9 weeks (so have the added pregnancy hormones on top of leaving!) Even though I am pregnant, my anxiety has become almost as crippling as the early days and I feel I need her more than ever. I just want to hug her, but I know we don't have too much time left.

She has moments of bonding with me as she is a body psychotherapist; she uses touch and often strokes my hair, rubs my neck, does biodynamic massage and has been sitting next to me with her hand on my pregnant tummy in the last month.

It's been such a long time with her, she doesn't feel like a therapist. She's given me gifts and because she works from home it feel very informal.

I know I am leaving to have my very wanted baby and will be very preoccupied(!) but I feel like it will be a bereavement (it was 4 very close personal bereavements that was the initial reasons for being in therapy) I am worried about post natal depression and not having her support.

I suppose I am sad that she won't be in my next chapter.

I always knew I would have to leave at some point... But it's coming up very soon and I feel so isolated and dependant and urghhhhhh.