There's something I want to talk about.
I live in this foggy world separated by a wall of glass from everybody else. It has always been like this, there isn't a phase in my life I remember being any different.
Of course it brings me so problems. And sometimes I have an huge trouble to separate dream from reality. I have to step back in my thoughts, use logic, cut some kind of dream my mind is making up, in order to know if I should do what I am thinking. It's like slapping my face and talking to myself "shut up, what you think is absurd, you never would do that, that is not how you feel about the world".
How I know my self for a while, I try to think from an outside view, as it wasn't me, and guessing what I would react. But I just can think about it in theory, I can not feel how I would feel, even I know what I would feel.
This makes my world very confusing, to the point I don't know what I like or who I like.

I have been having a crush on this boy. But sometimes it just gets to a point that I don't know if my feelings are real or I am creating them but thinking about him more than I should. And the more time I spent without seeing him or talking to him, the more he becomes some kind of fantasy made up by me.

I hate I can't have any memory that I feel it was real.