hi eyesunclouded
if you want to get better, you need professional help. you will be more likely to manage a job if you are stable. i have never been one to feel like i needed to develop a relationship with a therapist in order to work with them. i look at it as jumping into a cold pool. just throw out the most disturbing facts, let them ask questions. im there to get better, not make friends. i have a goal to get better and that means throwing out as much as i can and let them sort it out and offer me coping skills.

when it comes to meds, there are meds that make you feel like crap and change you but those are not ones you need to stay on. your doc works for you. refuse meds with side effects you dont like. i went thru every med there was until i found meds that did the job 90 percent effectively and with NO side effects. i have full use of my brain. you just have to be persistent and really advocate for yourself. my docs didnt like me for changing so much but i wasnt going to stay on something i didnt like.

so if you want like to change, get out there and change it. it can be much better than what you have now. i only wish i knew this at your age.welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome