I dont know about all that mediation stuff, I take anti-convulsants. I have bipolar II disorder, and I think I have ADD too, and now panic disorder. so theres three things I have to constantly battle. I am so depressed from the panic attacks, they hurt man, and their humiliating. Like I'd take the depression over panic attacks any day. but luckily I have both lol.

Anyway I also sometimes think that I cant continue like this, but you have to remember its just part of the disorder. You are more than bipolar. you are who you are with bipolar disorder. focus on those features. Plus bipolar disorder has its advantages. therefore, try your best to focus on those. It would be like a diabetic labeling himself only a patient.

Its a biological disorder and the psycho-evolutionary theory for it is that basically it may have originated in individuals who lived in extremely high changing climates.

In the winter we need to store energy therefore depression begins, and then in the summer we need the mania and hyperness to collect food and what not.

This is just a theory, but it would be important to track your mood and look for triggers. are you impacted by the seasons? please dont harm urself its not worth it and build yourself proper social support.

I should be happy right now my life is going well but im just always sad now, Im so tiered of it sometiems and with the panic attacks I wanna just end my life. its very hard. I feel like the old me is gone, and I miss that person. now Im just a sick person and all I wanna do is not be that. so I focus on those features that make me me.

I think yes you can get depression alone in mixed cycling (ask the psychiatrist)