I'm not a drama queen, I'm having a hard time right now (right now being since nov. '13- current on and off) I asked for coping skills and I got crap.

I had a T that I could write these thoughts to instead of here. I had a team who warmed me up to allow me to get in the mental health system and trust it. In doing that they allowed me freedom of choosing when I was ready to start which meds. Their feeling was some treatment was better then none. In doing so PC and my former team got me use to using PRN's, asking for more help and being open here. Yes I mess with meds to make them last longer or if I was worried asking for help would get me involuntarily committed but I always let T know. After being petrified of the hospital and involuntarily commitment, feeling the hospital would medicate “me” away. I've asked for more help from the crisis unit and got turned away. I always think I'm not bad enough for IP or are to paranoid to try.

Then I moved. scripts were taken away I had to make meds last and yes I know I go through psychosis “Illogical thinking”. Again I took less and less meds. I finally got the scripts and Insurance said no! I went to get Symbyax (similar to my viibryd) and lamictal. Insurance said no! Started Zyprexa, prozac, and lamictal. Saw pdoc he just filled the meds even with my complains. Gained 14 lbs and things were off with me. So I asked for help coping. I get go to IP, drama queen... I didn't think I would qualify but after a lot of discussion I went to IP. I left to soon because I thought individual would help more then IP. I didn't get individual therapy. I'm sure I don't qualify for IP now. I have to wait until I see T. Wait for the meds to kick in and keep myself safe. So I need coping skills not judgment. I've come a ****en far way from 4 years ago.