You know I hated my adoptive mother, just talking to her on the phone was awful, she had the abilty then to hurt me so deep..its taken a lot of time and therapy to come to a place where her abilty to have that amount of effect on me has ceased.

I;m not sure what to say or do here. I could give you hugs but hugs do not help you, maybe for a moment they will..but the truth is that its time for you as an adult to prepare strategies to keep yourself safe.

Maybe in advance of the date of your grandfathers passing, make plans for yourself to get yourself to his grave?? By-passing your mother completely? Otherwise you are giving her permission to detate what you can or can't do?

Maybe your mother has serious issues from her past and putting the dog first is her way of keeping her safe?? She just doesn;t ahve the ablity to be the mother to you that you deserved.

I;m not saying thats right, but it seems thats how it is. Hurt people, hurt people. I am in no way taking away your suffering.

As children we could do nothing but be a victim to our mothers hurts and illnesses, as adults we can do something.

Its not about mothers any more, it becomes about us, and if we want our children to know a route out of generational suffering, then the rot has to stopped some where.

I hope your pain eases.