I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time Quiddie-depression can be so devastating-it robbed me of a huge portion of my life. It does take a lot of energy to fight it-I had a bad experience with meds a few years ago but am doing well on medication right now. Therapy I'm sure doesn't work for everyone but you might just need to find one that is a good fit for you. I eat a really healthy diet, exercise, meditate, draw, paint, blast music, hike etc.
Try to find even a small thing that is positive for you & work from there-for me some days it's watching my cat do incredibly silly things that can perk me up. Please keep posting & let us know how you are-there are many of us here that have absolutely been where you are at right now-take care