thats a biggie i guess it means different things to different people ,in my case i had to smash fantasies of both my parents ,after years of anger at them i finally broke through to the sadness that lay behind it ,i feel lack of parenting has been a major player in my poor mental health. it made me what i feel become a caring father who isn't perfect but did a much better job than mine did . i have forgiven my parents now for their weaknesses, i feel that in turn has helped me good luck