From last Tuesday to Yesterday (SAt) I was IP due to severe irritability, agitation and substance abuse. On Sat I was discharged as I felt I could cope on my own. How wrong I was. Since lunch yesterday I had begun sliding down rapidly. I cannot stop crying and thinking of suicide. I feel like a failure and a hopeless case.

Last night my friend was going to take me to emergency but I convinced her I would be safe as I hoped I would feel better in the morning. This morning I felt much worse and could not stop crying. I rang the hospital I was at and they can take me back in as an IP tomorrow so I just have to get through today. I am staying with my parents to stay safe. I just feel there is no hope for me. I may lose my job, or at least be demoted as I have taken 6 weeks off work sick in the last year. I am scared of living more than dying and that is a worry. I am also concenrned there is nothing else my doctor can do to help me as he has done so much already and is a wonderful, experienced doctor. Sorry I just had to rant to get this off my chest. I know no one can help but it can be nice not to feel alone.