Steiner of Thule
you said Noone knows what it's like to be this alone....I think everyone has their own story and version and even their own hell and while maybe not in exactly your shoes, I do know what it is like to feel so alone, like an outsider watching the world but an uninvited guest, the only one who didn't get invited to the birthday, the forgotten one. I know what it is like to have every fiber of my being feel like it's on fire with such pain and sorrow, to have it feel like my brain (not ears) but brain is ringing. Medicated beyond belief and still no hope. I recently said what's the point even if somehow I come through and get to the light at the end of the tunnel, the next tunnel is only moments away. This is a cycle I am forced to relive with no hope of relief. I wonder why do I go on, yet I find I am here so I guess deep down I am clinging on hope that just maybe I can smile again and mean it, that my physical pain may find relief that all the meds don't offer, that somehow I deserve happiness even though it always escapes me. So I don't know your story or depths of your pain, but I know you are far from the only tortured soul and perhaps there will come a time when the sun's warmth brings a warming feeling and not burns. Hope is one of those words that get thrown around so easily, it can loose all its meaning, but there has to be something, there has to be just something worth hanging on for. You may walk your own journey which others may not fully grasp, but you are not walking it alone. I guess that gives me "hope" that makes me fight another day, another hour, sometimes another few seconds. An hour ago I was ready to throw in the towel and I found this. I can only wish for a better day and perhaps I am the only one who can make that better day a reality, and yes it is so freaking hard. But without that belief, what is left? You don't have to be alone!