My constant disorganized thoughts, racing thoughts and being drained has all lifted after starting Geodon (and my sleep is perfectly normal now). And now I'm afraid. I'm afraid because now I realize how really sick I was - and I don't want to go back to that. I understand everything much better (the way people talk, act, behave). The struggling with my mind and the way it drained me really blurred everything around me 24/7.

If I go back to the way I was I don't know what I will do. I'm going to bring this up with my Dr. tomorrow. (I just started going to a University outpatient program for residents who are supervised by a psychiatrist - the psychiatrist suggested Geodon for me. I've been on all the older and newer AP's with very little success and/or strong side effects. And now I have reason to believe that I'm really schizoaffective. The disorganized thoughts stand out as a major symptom which trigger all other sorts of problems with my mood, energy. But putting a name on it may not mean a great deal.) I'm just kind of amazed and scared at the same time.