Somehow, I think that the idea of Zack is what might be causing you to emotionally distance yourself from your husband. Having two kids is tough and I think you're both distancing yourselves from each other. I also think you might be putting Zack on a pedestal. I could see a relationship where two people ignore what others say as being a situation where you're both encouraging each other to build on negative behaviors. And who is to say that Zack would have been the most supportive person as far as your recovery goes? Being friends with him is not quite the same as living together and having to put up with each other's flaws. Your husband has done that in the past, but has lost his way.

I do think couple's counseling would be the absolute best thing to do, but your husband isn't seeing how his behavior is contributing to the problem. I would honestly start recording him in private and then bringing up the subject later. This would only work when you catch him in an open-minded state. Do NOT do this during an argument. Play back what he says to you and remind him that your daughters ARE affected by this. They are seeing their father be cruel to their mother and will grow up to find partners who mimic that behavior. Does he really want his daughters to be treated like that?

Maybe he is taking couple's counseling to mean he's totally at fault. It's not all him. It's the way you two interact. You are not disagreeing in a healthy way and that's what you need to work on. Your daughters are going to start mimicking the both of you and you will start hearing some ugly things you'd rather not. You both need to snap out of it and focus on teaching these girls how to be responsible people who do not distance themselves when upset or call others names when frustrated.