I'm not napping anymore, no longer trying to sleep away all my free time. Instead I've gone back to spending time in my wide range of interests. I'm exercising and cleaning more.

At first I was happy. It felt like my brain was finally waking up after a long sleep.
However, being alert has highlighted two problems.

1) Being awake makes me feel much more miserable about my two part-time jobs. I want more time writing and reading, not doing some pointless, stressful job. Anxiety has increased.

2.) Nothing really makes me happy. My interests are pointless. What is the point in spending time on them? What is the point in anything?

I guess I have to choose between numbness and boredom or painful awareness and...I can't even form/end this stupid sentence

Sorry, I'm struggling to write coherently and spell and grammar..