As for affect theory and shame... if I remember correctly, their definition of "shame" includes what I would perhaps rather label "frustration". The claim is that the adult shame grows out of the child's frustration at not having their needs met. I'm a little ambivalent about that. In one way it makes sense, but shame can come from a different place than that, too - if I make a fool of myself and feel shame, then that's not to do with unmet needs. (Incidentally, some of my own shame stems from being a constant object of ridicule to much older siblings whom I pretty much worshipped as a kid. I was an ungainly, unattractive, and rather stupid child, and they were naturally rather ashamed of me. It would perhaps have been better for me if they hadn't been, but it wasn't exactly their fault.)