i am sorry you are struggling with this so much. it sounds really painful for you. you are facing a big risk of losing your friend if you say something but you are hurting so much not knowing if you dont. perhaps you have to look at which is more painful. going on the way you are or the end of the friendship? if he is as good of a friend as he is, would he really end the friendship over you expressing your feelings for him? you just need to find the proper way to express them. if you suspect he is not straight himself, you could explore it that way. talk to him about his possible sexuality to see if he will admit it to you and then express your feelings. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome