A part of me says, holding back your 'secret' eats at you. Another part of me says, that all the instability in your life, leaves you clinging onto this one person. As your post states that you had better socialization in both
Portugal and Philippines.
Never mind, 'what was best', underlies that it wasn't all about best for you, but best for her?(I spent a couple years of my teens, bumped around to seven locations...that instability in a homelife, affects more than many realize)

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