I think it is that helplessness and then the sense that you have to hide that that is the most salient for me. I don't have fight or flight responses. I freeze. This immobilization is considered by most, including those who study the brain, a last resort survival mechanism that was thought to be only present in animals but now is associated with dissociation.

When you essentially try not to be seen, are afraid to exist, then being exposed or having that needing to be not seen as well could do nothing but induce shame, and not a mild social form but a painful, traumatic form.

I was reading something about how certain kinds of trauma cause a collapse in the sense of self (and this stuff can be traced in the brain) and there is a flood of shame and disgust. That's how I'm feeling. It is very close to hyperarousal and therefore I assume that dissociation will kick in to stop it if I can't find relief.