hi alligatorsky
it doesnt sound like you are lost and confused, it sounds like you are depressed and hopeless and you know it. it sounds like nobody is listening to you and you lack support. do you have counseling available at uni? i know they have it free here in the states for students. since you are an adult now you do not need your parents permission for treatment. i think, if necessary, maybe showing your mother this post, so she understands the serious nature of your feelings may be helpful. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome