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bronee said:
my idea of freedom is obviously something u do not see rite now
we are individuals we know so our ideas can be varied...

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of course! we are all different. it`s o.k

i must say that i USED to feel in a more or less similar way and that`s why i say it. i know that biting my finger till the bone calms me down. but why am i doing it?
i think that freedom should feel GOOD. you don`t want to
cut yourself becasue you feel good, because you feel free?

maybe i am wrong about you in this point...?
this is just an assumption. doing voilent things against ourselves hits the source of our being....the ROOT thought and emotion that lies behind the cutting is actually bad. self hatred. depression..etc. it satifyes that fury, or whatever....NOT our REAL selves...

i think that if hatred and depression and all those feelings were REAL parts of who we are from our NATURE-we WOUDL feel fine with them! "depression" would feel good ! and we wouldn`t have been trying to invent psychological therapy and medicine. the SUFFERING is a sign from our soul say:
"this dress doesn`t sute me. it`s very tight and uncomfortable."

God put us where we are to do self work and thus to balance ourselves, explore and create ourselves differently so that we get closer to who we REALLY are -and thus closer to HIM. and since everything is relaive, after we had all that bad, we will more then appriciate the good we learned to create. it`s an endless process of developmnet...

that`s what i believe....becasue i went from feeling suicidal and being a push off to feeling happy and carefree. from hating and cursing myself to exploring and recreating myself from deep inside.

ho well....i really hope i don`t hijack the topic to myself.....
didn`t think the post will be so long...

so i really wish you all the best . i hope you will feel bettet soon.