yes, you definately sound depressed and maybe have an anxiety disorder. you should see a doc and t. you definately need someone who understands such disorders to talk to. i hope you can feel better soon, it will take a while to feel better if the doc could put you on some meds. it sounds like you could use some. i am on meds for over 30 years now, and they saved my life. i had tried to commit suicide when i was 17, i'm 54 now, and i am so happy it didn't work. you can get better, just be patient with the process of getting where you want and need to be with the help of the right people.good luck and welcome!!!