Ahh I see! I know about doing something that makes you feel safe...sometimes it's easier to be anonymous or someone else. I don't do what you do, but i have safe areas go to or contacts. I have mentor or good friends I talk with too that I don't tell any one else. Or I go to a coffee shop. I tend to disappear for a while. I find being out doors walks with myself comforting. Those my safe places/habits I do!

It's hard to stop patterns especially when you been doing it for a long time. Just know you feelings and issues are significant, and deserve the care and attention. Try maybe seeing about a confidant who you know is a gentle and non judgmental person instead of always calling the hotline. Or waking. Or even on here -there are positive adaptive techniques I learned. I had maladaptive techniques like drinking too much or doing dangerous things do cope.

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