you're not ready to give up that particular coping skill, and it doesn't sound like T is really pushing the issue. I think it would be helpful to talk to her about though. I have coping skills I'm not ready to give up yet for various reasons, and I have found T's who are willing to work with me around them. It's not that they necessarily condone my coping methods, but we are realizing the issues behind them need to be cleared up before i feel ok letting them go completely.
I know it's tough to talk about, but holding the shame around it isn't going to help you. T has confidentiality she has to uphold, which is why she told you that if she connected with you on the crisis line, she would need you to call back. It's confidentiality on both the hotline end of things, and the therapy practice. She can't tell them that she has a client who called, and it would be a conflict of interest for her to speak to you as a crisis worker.
I think if you can get past the fear of talking to T about what lying does for you, and what need it fills, you'll be able to move away from needing it.